"The Sorcerer in the Rye" by Kim Jaeheon

 

This is a collaboration of The Catcher in the Rye and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

Synopsis: Holden is in a train going to the Hogwarts. He was in the same room with Ron, who keeps bothering Holden by talking to him, and things start to get too phony for Holden.

 

There was a knock on the door of our compartment and the round-faced guy I had passed on the platform nine and three quarters came in. He looked doleful.

“Sorry,” he said, “but have you seen a toad at all?”

 We shook our heads. I was just irritated that there are so much phony people and all in the train. He wailed, “I’ve lost him! He keeps getting away from me!”

 “He’ll turn up,” I said.

 “Yes,” he said miserably. “Well, if you see him…”

 He left. What a boy.

 “Don’t know why he’s so bothered,” said Ron. “If I’d brought a toad I’d lose it as quick as I could. Mind you, I brought Scabbers, so I can’t talk.” He doesn’t know why I’m bothered, either.

 The rat was still snoozing on Ron’s lap.

“He might’ve died and you wouldn’t know the difference,” he said in disgust. “I tried to turn him yellow yesterday to make him more interesting, but the spell didn’t work. I’ll show ya, look…”

I wished he didn’t; he was a goddam bastard caring his rat and all, but he didn’t even give a chit for the toad. That annoyed me. Right then, he rummaged around in his trunk and pulled out a very battered-looking wand, chipped in places and something white glinting at the end.

“Unicorn hair’s nearly poking out. Anyway –“

The compartment door slid open again when he had raised his wand. The toadless boy was back, but this time with a girl, who was already wearing her new Hogwarts robes and all.

“Has anyone seen a toad? Neville’s lost one,” she said. She had a bossy sort of voice, lots of bushy brown hair, and rather large front teeth. She seemed to be the kind of a girl who thinks that she’ll be a hero and all when she finds some goddam crap for others. That annoyed me.

“We’ve already told him we haven’t seen it,” said Ron, but the girl wasn’t listening; she was looking at the wand in his hand.

“Oh, are you doing magic? Let’s see it, then.”

 She sat down. Ron looked damn taken aback.

 “Er – all right.”

 He cleared his throat.

 

“Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow,

Turn this stupid, fat rat yellow.”

 

 He waved his wand, but nothing happened. He just told me how much he loved the rat, and described it as stupid and fat, I thought. I hate hypocrites. Scabbers stayed gray and fast asleep.

 “Are you sure that’s a real spell?” said the girl. “Well, it’s not very good, is it? I’ve tried a few simple spells just for practice and it’s all worked for me. Nobody in my family’s magic at all, it was ever such a surprise when I got my letter – “

 I stopped listening to her. She went way too much phony. She had lots of bushy brown hair, and rather large front teeth. I wanted to get out from the damn train, but the doors were all closed when I walked through the whole train an hour before.

 “Hey, are you listening?” The girl said. She told me that her name was Hermione Granger.

 “I’m Ron Weasley,” Ron muttered.

“Harry Potter,” I said. That is quite a nice phony name to introduce myself to others. I was satisfied.

“Are you really?” said Hermione. “I know all about you, of course – I got a few extra books for background reading, and you’re in Modern Magical History and The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts and Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century.”

I think I’ve chosen a wrong name, but I didn’t care – maybe I’ll just tell them that I was using the transformation magic before.

“Oh really?” I said, and left the room, telling them that I was going for a walk. I went out to the aisle, looking outside. I should get outta this goddam place. I will run away as soon as I get out of this train.