Holden's Book Report on Peter Pan - Adaptation by 20th Waver, Hee Jin Kim (aka Stella)

Below is Holden's interpretation of the book Peter Pan for English Literature class.  Instead of writing a "normal" assignment which he thought would be "phony," he decided to put himself in Neverland where he gets to actually meet Peter Pan.  Did Holden actually read the book?  What will his teacher give him as a grade?  You decide.

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That Pan guy- he was one of the phoniest people I’ve ever seen in my life. By ever, I mean damn ever; he’s worse than all those bloody Hollywood movies. The thing is, he manages to lure all those kids into believing in him and this crumby place. That’s just downright wrong, doing that to children. It’s like those phony kindergarten teachers who go like: “We’re going to have some fun now! So listen to what I say and let’s have a nice time together!” They always say ‘we,’ because they want the little kids to think that they are also going to be one of them when they’re actually giving out rules and trying to make the kids stand still. Hell, even I fell for that when I was little. But I know better now. And this Pan guy is a really, really advanced version of those phony kindergarten teachers.

The boys are alright. I like to watch them play their games. It’s interesting how when adults prance around, they look like madmen but when children do it, they look so damn happy. I wish I could horse around like that. Only I don’t really feel like doing it. You need to really feel like playing if you’re going to play a game. There’s that gut-feeling that makes you stand up on your feet and just go crazy. I want to play around like that so badly. Only I don’t really have that feeling right now. So I’m just standing here and watching the boys play, all the while thinking about that bloody bastard and his shadow.

It was that damn shadow that dragged me here. It just dropped me off then disappeared. Then that Pan guy came up to me and told me this is Neverland. I said nothing. It wasn’t that I was ignoring him or anything- I mean, he did look pretty dumb and soft and all but I didn’t want to hurt his feels. It was just that I suddenly felt goddam sleepy and for chrissake, you don’t just start talking about this new place and how you’re excited about being there when all you want is just a nice sleep. Anyways, I figured I should probably still be nice and all, y’know just so that that little kid doesn’t feel wasted so I said hello and said my name was Holden and asked how he was doing. The kid just ignored me. I figured it was pretty even since I also ignored him once so I didn’t say anything about it. I tried to go to sleep, but I suddenly didn’t feel like it, and I could only think about that stupid kid ignoring me. It didn’t get me mad or get on my nerves or anything like that but the thought just wouldn’t leave my head. That wasn’t my fault though, because you can’t just think that you want to think about something and think about that thing only. You always get this other thought sneaking in like a crook and mixing with the thoughts that you wanted to think about. It’s especially irritating when you want to think about a girl like Sally Hayes and those short skating skirts- not that I would imagine anything but, y’know, it just looks so damn good, and getting interrupted by something else while looking at something good, imaginary or not, feels depressing.

Anyways, that Pan guy acted sore. I knew he was sore because he turned his back to me, and that’s what those little kids do when they get sore at you. Since he was the kid, I decided I’d have to do something about it because you don’t just let little kids get sore and run off and do some weird stuff. I didn’t have any dough on me and there weren’t any shops nearby anyways so I just went to him and asked him if he wanted me to grant him a wish.

“Hey, kid, I’m sorry, y’know? I’m sorry and all for ignoring you. Hey, kid, don’t get sore at me now. How about I grant you a wish? Okay? And then we can be friends. Y’know, never ignoring each other and all that stuff. You good with that?”

He stayed silent for a while. I could hear my breathing and all, and suddenly felt like throwing up. I didn’t though, which was a good thing because the kid started to mumble something.

“Then become a lost boy.”

“Whaddya say?”

“Become a lost boy.”

“Okay, I’ll become a lost boy and we can be friends, alright?”

“Cool. I’m Pan, Peter Pan. Welcome to Neverland Holden.”

The kid smiled damn so hard when he said that, and I knew that he had been just pretending to be sore. But it wasn’t the children’s-play sort of sore, it was the phony sort of sore. I just knew because I’ve seen Phoebe pretend to be sore to get things her way, and this guy didn’t feel anything like it. Figures, since he’s probably like a gazillion years old, and he’s had helluva lot of experience in pretending to be a little kid when he’s thinking who-knows-what inside his head. Especially when he killed Curly. That just killed me. Curly was starting to get interested in girls and all, and Pan stated that Curly had ‘grown up.’ So he killed Curly in front of all the lost boys. He didn’t get a knife or anything, he just ripped out Curly’s shadow, and Curly screamed like those girls screaming at horror movies, and then he just dropped down still. It was just like that. He screamed and then went still all of a sudden. And that just killed me, the way he laid still in the mud like he was sleeping or something. But he was dead. Pan said so. And I would have checked for myself because that Pan guy’s so phony, but I just felt so sleepy at the time. Chrissake, I was so sleepy that I swear that I could have dropped down still like Curly, only I would be sleeping, and Curly was dead.